Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
