I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
