i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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