so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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