His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
