the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
