Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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