my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
