Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
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whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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