Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just had sex on a roof
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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