State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
