Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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