Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
