My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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