a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
