Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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