our cab driver is having phone sex.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
