Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
