Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
