I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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