How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
