my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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