woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
