me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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