Barsexuality is the new black.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
