What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
