Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
