Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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