YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
