He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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