Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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