Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize