Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
