best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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