I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
