nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She said her name was "party"
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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