What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize