My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
