I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
