I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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