goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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