I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Vodka?
Forever.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
