somebody snuck up and got me drunk
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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