Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
