Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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