Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What drink are we having for lunch?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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