She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
