i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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