would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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