My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
