I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
