Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
