In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
