The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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