he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
