why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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