make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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