No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
