Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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