i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
