I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Reggie can tackle my bush.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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