I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
