Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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