I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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