you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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