Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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