dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
