mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
