1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
