Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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