He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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