I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
