The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I deserve this hangover.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
