Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
