I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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