Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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