Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
