I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
